Primavera Sound Festival, Barcelona

Hi readers,

Congratulations! If you read the title of this post, you now know how to say "Coachella" in Spanish. Primavera Sound Festival is going strong this weekend in Barcelona.  Quickly becoming one of the biggest music festival in Europe, the headliners for 2015 include Interpol, Ratatat, Belle & Sebastian and Babes in Toyland.  With more than 100,000 people in attendance, the weekend is epic.  I'm sure.

Personally, I am enjoying the epic nature of Primavera live-streaming on my laptop in my pajamas.  But I did go to Barcelona LAST weekend and was thinking of all the party happy and drunk serious and dedicated music fans the whole time.  I came up with a quick list of entertainment for those readers headed to the playa (the OTHER playa, you crazy burners).

"OFF THE BEATEN TRACK" ENTERTAINMENT DURING PRIMAVERA

1.  Go to La Boqueria food market.  Note: Do NOT go into the market, the place is a teeming madhouse of British tourists. Go to the side of the market, to one of the lovely fresh juice stands.  (See delicious, refreshing juice photo).  Stand in the shade and mainline coconut juice.  Seriously--standing in the sun drinking beer all day is hard work!! 

2.  Las Ramblas is a hellhole.  Unfortunately, it is moderately unavoidable--even the most dedicated Ramblas escapists will need to spend a few minutes passing through this major street.  Make a fun game out of it! "Marco polo" with screaming tourist babies and bad Spanish combover hair.  "People tag" from strangers wearing matching outfits.  "I spy" contest for weirdest couple. Get creative. 

3.  Buy some castanets.  It might be the most authentically Spanish thing you do all weekend.  Clack them together every time you see a T-shirt that in some way incorporates the word "Brooklyn".  

Have fun!! Disfruta!! 

Besos, 

Caroline

The Baby Question (Part 2)

Hi readers,

Just back from the gynecologist! Ahhh...I love the internet.

How was the doctor, you ask?! (If you haven't changed the channel web browser internet setting by now.  It was PAINFUL!! I went to have an IUD put in.  (See "The Baby Question: Part 1" to get all caught up).

So the The Baby Question: Part 1 has been answered, at least for now.  The answer is, "Not right now."

However, after having my intelligent, friendly gynecologist jam a stick up my uterus gently and professionally insert an inter-uterine device, the Baby Question Part 2 has come to light:

HOW do women deal with the PAIN of childbirth?! 

My IUD (affectionately nicknamed "Duckers", at least for now) was approximately one-tenth of a centimeter wide and about as long as a quarter.  I had to stop Dr. Duckers TWICE during the procedure because of the discomfort and pain.  I have never experienced anything like it. I almost passed out.  Lets compare:

CALLING ALL MOMS. HOW THE F#CK DID YOU DO THAT? COMPARISON IMAGES

IUD IN HUMAN PALM

NEWBORN BABY IN HUMAN PALM

I'm speechless.  Speechless.

I was in the delivery room when my sister gave birth to her first son.  Yes, it looked like it hurt a lot.  Yes, I may have briefly taken my brother-in-law into the hallway to rough him up a little discuss the miracle of labor.  But afterwards my kind, loving and apparently completely masochistic sister said she didn't even remember the pain.  In fact, she proceeded to have TWO MORE CHILDREN IN THE NEXT 5 YEARS.  I don't even want to go take Duckers out in the next 5 years.  

Moms--I am going to start being way nicer when you are slow pushing your stroller in front of me down the street.  Two reasons:  First, I respect your birthing process. Second, if you can do THAT...I can do ANYTHING.  As long as it's not childbirth.  

What is the world did you do to survive childbirth?  Comment below--I'm dying to know.

How to Improve Memory

Hi readers,
The title of this post should be phrased as a question:

How can I improve my memory?
And, more importantly, why is my memory SO BAD?!

Let's work backwards through the above list of inquires.

1. Why is my memory so bad?

Yesterday...sure, yesterday existed.  I have no idea what I mindlessly searched around for on the internet important projects I completed at work. Or how much wine coffee almond milk I drank. Or what I saw on reality TV while I was out enjoying a healthy jog.  The events of 48 hours ago might as well have taken place in another lifetime.  What's the deal?  Have I been getting stupider?  Did the excessive moderate amount of "substance indulgence" in late 20's early 20's college cause such a severe effect on my mind?

I have a theory about the general decline of memory: When something is seldom used or paid any attention, it tends to fade into general obscurity.  For example:

List of Formerly Important Things That Have Fallen Into Obscurity

1.  Minidisk Players
2.  Calista Flockhart (but you look great, girlfriend! Check out photo)
3. The Cincinnati Post
4.  Moon Boots
5.  "Saved By The Bell: The New Class"





Please note, Saved By The Bell: The New Class is different than Saved By The Bell: The College Years, which I watched religiously.  Until they graduated.  You know, again.  Anyway, the point is people don't use memory as much anymore.  People used to actually commit to memory things like unit conversions, song lyrics, names of restaurants, people's fax car phone iPhone 5 numbers, plots of Saved By The Bell episodes...etc.  Now we don't need to.  We use google.  Much like eating peyote (or so I hear...), google is vastly improving one part of the human experience while simultaneously potentially destroying something else: human memory.  Which brings us to the next question...


2. How can I improve my memory?
I rode my bike home from work this week.  I know I passed by some flowers.  What color were they, you ask? Excellent question! I have no idea. In order to improve my memory I have decided I need to start consciously trying to remember obscure details about the hours I whittle away on this planet.
For example: Today I went to the Worldpress digital photography exhibition.  The countries where pictures were taken included:


Spain.  "Different Cultural Regions"
El Salvador.  "Remnants of the Civil War"
France.  "Light in Paris"
Greece "Immigrant Survival"
Venezuela "Prison in Caracas"

Ahh, I feel better already.  Double better since a) I am not in prison in Caracas and b) I didn't have to look up a single exhibit on the internet.

What tricks do you use to help your memory?  Comment below! 

Living Abroad

Hi readers,
Recently I have been in a sort of anti-fabulous funk.  It might even be referred to as feeling...ordinary.  Gross.  The kryptonite of fabulous.  I work, I cook dinner, I desperately try to make time to exercise....boring, Boring, BORING.
Deep in the wallows of self-pity and trying to consider things that may make me feel more fabulous, my mind wondered to living abroad.  The question of the day:

Is living abroad really all that fabulous?

Travelling is fabulous.  Exciting flights, new people, duty-free shopping important cultural experiences, etc.  But in order for actually living abroad to be fabulous you need to live in a fabulous place.  Obviously.  So, what makes a city/town/place of habitation fabulous?  Glad you asked!

Is where you live fabulous?  A Checklist

1.  Do you know at least 5 people who are jealous that you live there?
And if not, can you make them jealous when you talk about your life?  Maybe not everyone knows how great Oklahoma City is.  Probably they don't.  Okay, definitely--they don't.  But if you are passionate about it, people will want to come visit.

2.  Is there proximity to OTHER places for travel?  
Look at the map.  You should have at least 5 places you want/like to visit within a 3-hour range of your front door (airplane travel is fine).  Seriously, this is important.  Sitting at home all weekend is NOT fabulous.

3. Is there something fun to do?
Yes, travel is important. But sitting on your ass in the car all the time because everything is 3 hours is not fabulous.  Also, it gives you a fat ass--DOUBLE not-fabulous.  In addition to some good travel destinations closeby, there should be something enjoyable to do with 20 minutes of your front door.  Maybe you like IMAX movies.  Hey-no judgement! Where is the nearest theater?  Dungeons and dragons in the park?  Again--judgement-free zone! Where is the park? Figure it out.

4. Is it easy for you to get things you want/like/need?
This is a particular consideration of living abroad.  Sometimes there is a huge learning curve associated with the grocery stores, way of shopping, availability of English language books, etc.  You don't need to want/like/need the SAME things everywhere you live, but you do need to have access to  commercial, capitalistic things you enjoy.

5. Do you have good friends?
This can be done anywhere but might take some work.  You NEED a social circle close by.  If you don't know many people where you live, get busy looking for meet-up groups, church socials, knitting clubs, whatever.  Meet people!    

Emojis I wish existed

Hi readers!

A quick Friday list of emojis I wish existed:

10) Screaming face.  Even a screaming baby would be pretty good.  For those days when you want to convey that you just can't deal.

9) Troll.  Very descriptive for both people and situations.

8) Rolling eyes.  Maybe this would work if the eyes were looking up and off in the same direction?  See Liz Lemon photo. I would use it at least once a day.

7) Pedicure.  TOTALLY different than manicure and deserves it own emoji.  Also,
it would then be easier to convey the concept of a "fish pedicure".

6) The finger.  There is a thumbs-up. How often do you ACTUALLY give someone a thumbs-up?  Finger is very expressive without actually cursing (added bonus: no autocorrect to "ducking").

5) More of the little purple devil people.  Now that I mention it, a screaming purple devil person would be fantastic.

4) Smurfette.  Use it in a sentence: smurf-tastic.  Papa smurf would also be acceptable.

3) Making out emoji.  I get it that a sex emoji is probably too graphic.  But let's take emoji-coupledom just a little half-step further, shall we?

2) Unicorn.  The world needs more unicorns.  Just ask Lady Gaga.

1) Sitting on the couch emoji.  OBVIOUS.

What emojis do YOU wish existed?  There may need to be a Part 2 in this series.

Happy Friday!! 

Know Your Limits

Hi readers,

I made an important decision this morning:  

I'm canceling my hair appointment.  

Why?! You are dying to know!! 

Here it is: The idea of going to sit in a salon for 4 hours this afternoon after working from 6 AM-6 PM simply makes me want to cry and I'm not going.

To you, this may sound like a relatively insignificant confession.  One hair appointment.  Sure, I may be a little scraggly looking "boho chic" looking, but that is the epitome of spring style! (Other ways to look "boho chic" include general refusal to plug in an iron for either hair or clothes and infrequent showering practices.  We LOVE "boho chic"  See photo)

However, this particular hair appointment represents something more.

I am constantly, thoughtlessly doing things 'because I said I would'. This hair appointment represents a conscious attempt to re-arrange my schedule in order to make my day more enjoyable.

When is the last time you looked at your calendar and considered which appointments existed to make your day more enjoyable?  It's an interesting, (and possibly moderately depressing) exercise.

Some appointments are important to keep as scheduled.   For example, personal training sessions and martini dates doctors appointments and meetings with my boss should probably not be moved around.   In fact, there is something moderately satisfying about having my schedule dialed in and running whole days of my week on autopilot.

But you know what else is satisfying? Flexibility! Free time!
The beautiful feeling of weightlessness associated with creating a few free hours in the day.
Maybe I will drink iced coffee while I stare blankly at the wall meditate. Or go on a walk or try a new restaurant.  The possibilities are endless!

What would you do with a few extra hours in your day today? Comment below!

The Baby Question

Hi readers,

Pop quiz: Do you want children?  More importantly, do I want children?!

AHHHHHHH!!!

The plaguing question of the 30-something, strong, independent woman army.  After a "cervical massage" at the doctor this morning and some pillow talk about my current sexual relationship, my new gynecologist brought up the idea that I may want to switch from a bill control pill to an IUD.  Because apparently it's inappropriate to be on birth control for 12 years.  (Seriously, it is.  It causes melasma, those dark pigmentation spots.  NOT fabulous).

Anyway, the point is an IUD will work for up to 5 years. And that sounded totally appropriate to me. I said to myself, "Oh good.  I won't have to consider having children again until I'm 36 slightly older".  Then I realized: When I'm slightly older I will be starting to get kind of old (in REPRODUCTIVE YEARS not GENERAL MATURITY) .

Is there some late twenties life station I missed where people make important reproductive decisions?  I don't even really understand how people make definitive decisions about the outfits they wear to work or the restaurants where they eat dinner.   The idea of making a decision about STARTING A FAMILY always seemed like something best left to grown-ups.  Now, it turns out, I am sort of a grown up (again, in REPRODUCTIVE YEARS).

And for right now, my answer to the baby question is no.  A firm, polite, and slightly scared-I'm-missing-out type of "no"-the same way I respond when people ask me about Etsy, or tartan jackets or Joan Didion books, or the myriad list of other things that I respect and admire but do not necessarily understand.  

What do you think about the baby question?  Comment below.