Dating in New York City

Hi reader,
I know everyone has been dying of curiosity about how my New Year's Resolution is going. I figured I would drag out the suspense for as long as possible, which brings us to our mid-March dating update.

Dating is hilarious.  Here are my favorite new things about dating in NYC:

1) It's a casualhookup.com world. It is totally socially acceptable, and almost expected, that 20s and 30s New Yorkers meet strangers on internet dating sites and then text them while intoxicated to meet up. Dinner and a movie?  Not going to happen.  Like NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS WILL HAPPEN.  1-3 drinks depending on night of week and level of attraction. In other parts of the country, people would be arrested for prostitution if they attempted the kind of dating that everyone I know participates in here.

2) Chivalry ain't free.  Guys think its okay, in this age of women's liberation, to split the check on the first date. Newsflash: It's not. Equal opportunity payment starts on the second date. If you want there to BE a second date, cough up.

3) I'm dating your iPhone.  Youtube videos and internet memes are now a feature in my dates. Because my dates take out their phones and we sit quietly together, watching some viral grumpy cat/what does the fox say video and commenting on the banality of it all.  The banality is this: if you are meeting me for the first time and need to take your phone out for our conversation to remain interesting, just use it to dial yourself a cab.

So, while all these habits are irksome…in a "I'd-rather-be-at-work-than-here-with-this-loser" type of way…when life gives me lemons I like to squeeze them into my vodka-soda, roll with the punches and practice my sexiest, I'm-so-interested face.  Because I figure one of two things will happen:

1) If I'm doing it wrong (often) the boring guy will think I'm having a stroke and leave
2) If I'm doing it correctly (rarely) other men will flock around to see what is so fascinating. Also, to pay for drinks so I will make my irresistible, tell-me-MORE-about-your-finance-job face at them.

Either way I get to have a cocktail with only a 50% chance I'm going to pay.  Which is better odds than if I'm alone OR with a steady boyfriend OR in Vegas.  Winners all around.

L'Eliser d'Amore (Elixir of Love)

Hi reader,
Last night I went to see the Metropolitan Opera production of Donzetti's L'Eliser d'Amore.  Written in the 1831, the story centers around the quest of Nemorino, a young village worker in rural Italy, to win the heart of Adina, a successful farm owner.  While Adina is busy falling for an obnoxious, self-important army general, a traveling salesman passes through town peddling.....you guessed it....a magical Elixir of Love. Nemorino purchases the elixir at a premium and tragedy, confusion and comedy follow, ultimately concluding in happiness.
Now I know that passion for opera is not what it used to be and I probably lost most of you at "Written in 1831..." but if you are still following along, the story begs several questions still relevant in today's society. The most important of which:

If someone was selling something they promised would make you more attractive to the opposite sex, something that would trick people into loving you, would you buy it?  

No, you say?  What about $34-a-tube Chanel Rouge lipstick? Viagra? Prada? Rolex? Spanx? A person to write your profile on your match.com account?

The bottom line is our society is all about the capitalization of love--we attempt to buy acceptance and affection from our family members and potential suitors every day.  Our advertising-addicted culture leads us to believe the only acceptable standard is absolute perfection, and the only way to get there is to spend spend spend.



In the quest for perfection I think our society has started to value consumption above love.  That is why rapid-fire online dating has become so popular.  That is why women expect men to pay for a $400 dinner on a first date and men expect...well, something that usually involves "coming upstairs for a nightcap" in return.  In our search for something that does not exist we are losing our ability to communicate with other people in a genuine way.  No one takes the time to genuinely get to know each other anymore and therefore dates are expected to fizzle, marriages are expected to fail and no one is surprised by unreturned phone calls.

How do we come back from this abyss?  To come from the tragedy into the comedy and the eventual happy ending?  Maybe instead of feeding into the capitalistic machine of the Elixir of Love, we need to lower our expectations and focus on being kind and realistic with each other.  Go on a walk when you first meet someone.  Take the time to get to know them.  Don't expect instant perfection.  Instead, be realistic and polite--return phone calls, open doors, attempt interesting conversation, put your phone away and don't treat people as through they are expendable/replaceable/exchangeable store-bought goods. Put time into your relationships-nurture your friends, give people a second change and understand there are lots of reasons someone may be a good fit in your life, even if that person doesn't fit into your idea of the perfect friend/brother/sister/lover/mentor.

The real L'Eliser d'Amore can't be bought from some swindling, street-peddling advertising executive.  Try kindness over time.

But in a more fun vein of questioning, what is the MOST ridiculous thing you have ever boughten to make a guy/girl/family member like you more?  Comment below!

New Years Resolutions

Hi reader,

I'm sitting in the airport waiting for a much-delayed flight back to freezing cold NYC. Eventually, (after a bagel sandwich and half a Starbucks) I got bored of watching the poorly-attended-to children wreaking havoc on the terminal and my mind wondered to the topic of New Years Resolutions. I think it speaks volumes that I can never remember mine from one year to the next. It must be because I do such a fabulous job of achieving them that they become seamlessly integrated into my life by the time Dec 31 rolls around again. Right? Obviously. 

So in the spirit of making my life continually more fabulous, I'm throwing together a resolution for 2014 and writing it down here before these airport children go totally Lord of the Flies and kill us all...if I make it back to New York in one piece, I'm going to date. I need to do it soon, because 30, single and bitter/sarcastic is turning out not so fabulous. Even if dating is not totally fabulous, it just may out-do hanging out at home on Friday night with my pet lizard, researching the history of the bassoon on Wikipedia. 

(Just incase you thought I was kidding about the lizard)

You are my witness, reader...2014 will be the year of weird and (hopefully) hilarous (as opposed to suicidally tragic) encounters with the world of dating again.

Your turn-what will you do to make your life more fabulous in 2014? Comment below.

The Choice of Fabulous

Hi reader,
Here's the thing:
Fabulous is a choice.
It is a lifestyle and an outlook on the world that spreads through the years like butter Nutella Smart Balance on warm bread.  Fabulous is a superpower.  It infuses negative situations with sunshine and happiness.
Read the two passages below and tell me which one is fabulous:

1.  I just turned 30.  I'm single (recently went through a heart-breaking devastation of a break-up and now don't know if I will ever get married, procreate, etc, thanks for asking).  I live in New York City.  I'm a teacher at a high needs public high school. It's difficult and exhausting.  I worry endlessly about my students and whether they have enough to eat and a safe place to go home to.

2.  I just turned 30 and so far it has been wonderful, based mostly on the fact that for my birthday I dumped 185 200 pounds of dead weight--my cheating ex boyfriend ; )
I live in New York City, the best city in the world!  I'm all over the museums, music scene and broadway shows like a Kardashian chasing around a free botox bus.  I'm a teacher so I get to take fabulous vacations and travel all over the world in my time off. Life is good and I'm thankful.

So....both statements are true, but only one smacks of fabulous. I am writing this blog to keep the fabulous-smacking a little closer to the surface. Do it with me, reader! Rephase your day so it sounds FABULOUS and write a comment about it below.