Feeling at Home

Hi readers,


Today I bought $75 worth of silver-plated picture frames from Zara Home.  In the category of "picture frames" I also include whimsical candle holders and decorative boxes.

I'm nesting. 

This is not a skill that comes naturally.  For 5 years, the sum total of my furniture consisted of 2 beat-up, army-green ammo boxes.  My last coffee table in California was made out of a cut-up 2x4 and 8 nails.  I once lived in a high-rise on 67th Street for a month and didn't bother to buy any pillows.  I don't mean "picture-frame-decorative-pillows".  I mean "the-pillows-you-put-on-the-bed-pillows".

In my defense, I often live in mostly-furnished places.  Also, I move a lot.  Also, buying things makes me uncomfortable.

Normal people buying decorative home goods:
"Oh, this end table would look divine with paisley-seashell decorative lamp!"
Me buying decorative home goods:
"If I buy an end table, do I need to get a lamp? Should I get a matching lamp?  What matches wood-colored?  Do they make wood-colored lamps? Maybe a contrast color lamp?  What is the contrasting color of wood?"

It's one of those skills I don't quite understand.  Where do people learn how to do this?  Needless to say, I gave up the Ikea-induced panic attack trips as soon as possible in my fledgling career as an adult.  I am good at buying functional things, but decorative shopping has never been my forte.  

For example, this fall, when my roommate and I arrived at our apartment in Madrid, I gleefully bought us a coffee pot, a yoga mat (for "non-yoga" where you lay on the yoga mat and pretend to do sit ups while you watch TV) and a set of shiny new kitchen spoons.

Nested. 

Fast forward 9 months later.  I was sitting on the couch this morning, happily reading Don Quixote, when I looked around.  I realized:

A) My roommate has very graciously decorated our whole apartment (love you!)
B) It is time to get off my lazy ass, go buy some votive candles and give this "feeling-at-home" thing a try.

I told myself I would not leave the store without a purchase.  After all, it is segundo rebajas (Spanish for: the best sales in the world) in Madrid right now, what better time to try my hand at home decorating?  Some photos of votive candle holders below.  I'm off to read House Beautiful.

Monday Facts

Hi readers,

Below please find a list of facts I made up that make me feel better about my life.  Happy Monday!

1) The movie "Heathers" is a loose interpretation of Shakespeare's "Othello".  Think about it.
2) The Obamas own matching pajamas.  Including the dog. They wear them on Sunday mornings for "Obamas in Pajamas" quality time.
3) Harvard Business School curriculum includes a class called "Fanny Facebook: The Role of Gender in Social Media Marketing"
4) The cast of "California Dreams" is staging a musical reunion tour, set to premier in Paris on New Years Eve 2015
5) Katy Perry owns a unicorn named "Fluffy Buns".  Madonna gave it to her.

If you need me, I will be lying in bed eating spoonfuls of Spanish olive oil and reading. See you tomorrow.

Think about it.

What is "Calfornia Dreams", you ask?  We can't be friends until you watch this video

Celebrating Fluffy Buns.  These are their happy faces. 

How to Increase Traffic to Your Blog

Hi readers,

The blogging life reminds me of a playground.  More specifically, the blogging life reminds me of a playground where all the popular girls are standing around the tire swing, loudly laughing and thoughtfully adjusting their adolescent "I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT" concert tee-shirts while I am lurking around the potted trees with the rabid squirrels, dying for someone to notice how awesome I am.
Oh, the joys of childhood.  The point is--ALL bloggers want to know how to get more people to read their blog.  I have been thinking about it lately.  The best advice I can come up with below.

Ways to Get People to Read Your Blog

1) Talk about your blog.  I know.  Yes--you need to be that girl.  Sample conversation below:

Polite stranger at a party: Have we met?

That girl: Not yet.  But you might know my BLOG.  It's called Rhymes with Fabulous.  Do you happen to have a cell phone? 

Polite stranger, now standing slightly further away: Ummm...

That girl: Of course you do! Why are you standing over there?  Take out your phone and give it to me, I will download the Blogger app for you and add my blog to your list of favorites so you can read it every day.  Do you promise to read it every day?! I will give you my e-mail address too, so you can keep in touch and tell me what you think.  Or even better, you can COMMENT on my BLOG.  I loooooove when people comment on my blog....etc.   

2) Instagram.  How does ANY entrepreneurial 20ish-something white girl get anything done these days?! INSTAGRAM! That little self-descriptor line was basically invented for your blog link. The little self-descriptor line also exists on facebook.  Also there are approximately 1,945,752 writer groups on social media sites.  Get busy on linkedin/facebook/pinterest/etc.  Get your name out there. Don't be shy. #blog #fabulous 

3) Make friends.  Friends that write blogs.  They will read your blog AND will probably let you guest post on their blog, which Ramit Sethi promises is a sure-fire way to increase traffic (and I believe him).  Check out some blogger events here

Last week of school

Hi readers,
Some weeks have a theme.  For example:

1. First-week-of-spring
2. Snow-and-hot-chocolate-and-books
3. Eat-Salad-and-don't-be-fat
4. Completing-important-life-errands
5. Cherry-blossom-trees

The theme of this week in this teacher's life is:

 "Last-week-of-school"

There is something special about the last week of school.  Students are thoroughly and introspectively contemplating all you have taught them through the year while they happily study for their finals. They are so thankful and all bring you presents.  Colleagues are absorbed with the academically-rewarding work of planning units for next year.  There is an air of relaxation as the year peacefully winds to a close....

JUST KIDDING

If you believe a word of that, it's been too long since you set foot in a school building.  The last week of school is terrible.  Students are stressed about about tests, grades and papers that they have been ignoring all year.  Colleagues are either hung-over or annoyed that they have so much grading to do.  Everyone is exhausted and the only air circulating is the frantic whirlwind of people traipsing between the coffee machine and the recycling bin... 

Needless to say, this has been a week of extreme fatigue and and mild frustration at work.  It is important to count my blessings and remember that I am lucky to have a job.  So here goes, in no particular order.....

Blessings to Remember 

1.  I get to choose what I do every day.  If I don't like something that is happening in my life I have the power, the freedom and the am-ex card mastercard pre-paid debit card to do something about it.  

2.  I have a wonderful family.  We are crazy, but in that good way, like margaritas on a monday night. 

3.  I sleep in a room with a view.  Sure my bed is used and from Ikea nothing fancy, but I have a little balcony that looks out onto an adorable street and if I lay just right I can see out the window without getting up.

4.  I am healthy.  I get to walk around and use both hands to make adorable, expressive gestures and breathe moderately clean air into my lungs unassisted.  

And most importantly (at least in relation to not committing homicide at work)....

5.  I get to go on summer vacation in 2 days!  

  

There are no rules...

Hi readers,

I remember quite vividly the moment I realized being an adult was going to be moderately uncomfortable.  I had just landed in Figi for the beginning of my year of living in trailer parks and working for minimum wage in Australasia post-college "mental expansion".  I was staying at the cheapest most rustic hostel on the cheapest most adorable island, armed with a best friend and a backpack full of vodka books.

I had never been to Figi before.  I had never been to a HOSTEL before.  I figured it must be moderately similar to a dorm and armed with my squeaky plastic shoes and my travel-sized shampoo bottles, I ventured into the stall shower (which, conveniently, was located basically in the reception area).  I stepped in the shower feeling the "adultness" of the situation in that special way you are only capable of in your early twenties.  As I contemplated the mountainous volumes of my own adult knowledge, I slowly realized...the water in the shower was not heating up.
It was not cold, persay--it was roughly the same temperature as drinking water when it comes from a public school water fountain.  When I realized it was not going to get any hotter...that, pathetically enough, was my moment.  I felt my body adjust the the new temperatures of adulthood and realized:

"Hey.  I don't have to shower this whole year if I don't want to.  In adulthood, I make up the rules."  

I finished my days in Figi happily brushing dried salt water out of my hair in the morning before running off to play with the rabid, flea-covered tough but lovable island dogs.  I've been making my own rules ever since.  The key ingredients to making your own rules are simple: fearlessness and perseverance.

Much like "not drinking on weeknights" or "buying ingredients to cook dinner" fearlessness and perseverance sound much easier in theory than they are in practice.  However, as is the case with all scary new endeavors (except bangs, which are a crapshoot every time) the benefits outweigh the costs.

Give it a try! Make a rule for yourself and post it below.

PS--there is a reason I recommended Figi for a girl's weekend guest-posting on American Girl Dating Around the World.  Check it out!

The Art of Oversharing

Hi readers,

I have a confession:  I have no filter.

This is different from not being able to keep secrets.  I'm actually quite good at keeping secrets BUT I need to be told explicitly to keep my mouth shut.  Why?  Because in regards to my own information, I will happily discuss the insertion of IUD devices with everyone on the whole internet or my latest thyroid maladies with my cleaning lady (she doesn't speak English so who know what she thinks I'm talking about anyway, right?).


This whole idea of having a filter is similar for me to "having a skincare regime" or "having a 5-year plan".  It sounds very grown-up.  I wish I was the girl at the cocktail party calmly debating the benefits of Clinque face lotion over a wine spritzer. Instead, I am the girl carrying on a cheerful conversation about the most effective sex positions with a group of reasonably mortified total strangers. No filter.

There are some benefits to my filter-less life:

After I discuss the way I recently long ago flashed a man on Second Avenue, (it's okay, we were on a date.  A first date, but whatever, towards the end...) people open up with funny stories of their own.

Also, I have been told people do not "get the sense that I am judging them".  I'm (probably) not.  Unless they are talking about something boring.

But the best thing by far is this: I don't have to spend a bunch of time considering what people think about me or know about me, because I don't really care. As I was yammering on about some completely inappropriate topic to my boyfriend the other night, wondering aloud if I was crossing the line with the things I choose to discuss with total strangers everyone he remarked it is good that I am not ashamed of how I live my life.

I took it as an invitation to keep discussing the merits of "gerbil-ing" a compliment.  

How to Beat the Heat

Hi readers,

Here is a fun little fact I learned this weekend: Spanish summer heat induces panic attacks.  Most importantly, Spanish summer heat induces panic attacks in me.

A friend asked me (at 9 PM, when it was safe to venture out-of-doors) if the temperature in Madrid wasn't comparable to the heat in New York City.  I responded by glaring at her while I violently rubbed ice cubes over my wrists calmly saying I thought the type of heat must be different.  Or the weird, Franco-induced Spanish time zone must make the afternoon hotter. Or something.  Because I havenever in my life felt so hopeless about the idea of going outside between 3 PM and 6 PM.  The dry, burning heat quite literally makes me want to kill....everything something.  People walking slowly in front of me.  Dogs that are barking.  Insects that dare land on my sweat-slippery arms.  Since daily panic attacks do not seem to be an option for the next 6 months, I am spending the air-conditioned evening coming up with fun ways to avoid the blistering hell heat.  Here's what I have so far:

Fun Things to Do with Ice in the Summer

1. Ice slide.  Necessary materials: ice cubes, trash bag, small hill.  Get creative.
2.  Ice necklace.  Not actually made of ice! Just put normal jewelry in the freezer overnight before wearing.
3. Ice underwear.  See above. With underwear.
4. Tea ice.  Make tea (very healthy) and freeze.  Put in a cup in the morning and drink as it melts.
5. Ice hat.  Get two baseball caps-put water in between and freeze for one cap-shaped lump of ice.

 Stay cool, readers. Besos.