How to Buy Souvenirs

Hi readers,

Cathedral Saint Alexander Nevski, Sophia

 I was traveling with a friend in Bulgaria this year and we found an adorable handicraft shop (in the lobby of Bulgarian National Art Gallery and Ethnographic Museum in Sophia, in case anyone is interested). Turns out Bulgarians make delightful pottery, woven rugs and these adorable red thread friendship bracelets.  Who knew? 

After a few minutes hours in the shop, we had our purchases lined up.  After careful consideration, my friend bought an amazing set of dishes, mismatched in that purposeful, whimsical way and complete with a serving platter. I went to dinner at her apartment recently and she served vegetable-stuffed mini-pumpkins and Greek salad in her new set of dishes. When she is not using them, the dishes sit in a fashionable break-away cabinet, on display with a well-cultured and useful mix of other international treasures.

I bought 2 friendship bracelets friendship bracelets and an impractically-sized, oven-safe dish.  I made nachos in my lonely little dish once and occasionally my roommate uses it to artfully display lemons.  I have my friendship bracelets carefully stored in a plastic shopping bag, so I can bring them back to the 1980s if I ever find a time machine. 

I am terrible at buying souvenirs.

Some people can walk into a shop with a sense of purpose and all the right questions:

Is this locally produced?  Are you the artist? Is this dishwasher safe? Do you ship internationally? 

I am more likely to walk into a shop and awkwardly attempt to sputter around in whatever the local language is, ignoring the fact the shop keepers obviously speak English, and walk out after admiring the postcards. (I actually used to COLLECT postcards when I was a little girl. Obviously my fascination with being terrible at buying souvenirs started early. File under "most pathetic hobbies in the world")

Currently, in my always-present attempts to be a more useful adult, I am working on my souvenir buying ability. During my trip to Portugal I studied another adept souvenir purchaser (my mother) and came up with some guidelines:

How to Buy Souvenirs 

1) Know your purpose. For example, my mother shops for Christmas presents.  My brother decorated an entire room in his house in an "African art and music" theme.  Some people collect something more interesting than postcards.  Maybe you are hosting a lunch when you get back and everyone wants a friendship bracelet.  Perhaps the region where you are traveling is known for something (Turkish rugs, Venetian stained glass, Andalusian tiles, etc).  Figure out a purpose-it will make shopping more interesting. 

2) Know that the souvenirs are weird-looking by themselves. There is a reason my (very knowledgable) friend bought a set of Bulgarian pottery.  Don't be afraid to buy in bulk. If you really like something and you don't want it to look weird surrounded by normal western things, buy more than one.

3) Just buy something.  Remember at the end of the day you are supporting the local economy.  It's an important part of tourism.  Be proud to buy something, even if you end up simply using your large Portuguese rooster as a bookend.  

Me in Bulgaria, being terrible at buying souvenirs, below. 

Happiness Lunch

Hi readers,

Today, I was blathering away to my pedicure girl in nonsensical Spanish, remarking thoughtfully and apologetically about how gross my feet were and wondering aloud how to say "square but round" in Spanish (turns out it doesn't translate) it occurred to me: I was happy.  It was a breezy summer day, I had gotten a free iced coffee and my nails were being transformed from "Alpine-Climbing-Disaster-Neutral" to "Charged-up-Cherry-Pink".

Happiness is a instinct.  These days, I am able to state my level of happiness with just a few seconds thought.   It is caused and defined by different parameters for different folks, but like Heidi Montag's plastic surgery, it is always easy to recognize.

As my delightful Korean manicurist razored dead skin off the side of my big toe, I was transported to a summer day a few years ago when I was going through a terrible break-up and not so happy.  I didn't know it at the time (the same way people that are dying from hypothermia think they are just tired).

I was having lunch with a wonderful friend, an appointment I had squeezed in between two therapy sessions in the hopes of cheering myself up.  My friend gamely asked how I was doing and I replied I wasn't quite sure.  Life seemed so complicated.  As we sipped $10 glasses of rose at Artisanal I volleyed the question back at her.

Me: "Are you happy?"

Wonderful caring friend: "Oh god, no."

Her quick answer made sense.  She was (unknowingly) at the precipice of a divorce, it was August in Manhattan and she was not a teacher, so she had to return to work instead of spending the whole day considering her feelings, filling lorazepam prescriptions and trotting around to different therapies and wellness appointments. Nonetheless, I was impressed by her sure ability to recognize her own feelings.  When she said no, I had the strength to say no too, and it made all my problems a lot simpler.  Because in the end it boils down to this:

Choice A. You're happy

Choice B. You're not happy

Everything else in life can branch our from this realization.  Once I was able to recognize my unhappiness, I started asking questions and making decisions.  Did I want to stay unhappy?  No.  Could I become happy by reconsidering my current situation?  An eventual no.

How could I change things?  

This question was the golden ticket--the one that changed my perspective.  It takes strength to ask and answer honestly, but it's been a road to fabulous and I haven't regretted a single step.  My wonderful friend and I re-live our "happiness lunch" sometimes.  The conversations tend to go like this:

Me: Remember that terrible lunch where we were both so miserable?

My wonderful friend: Ugh, yes. That was the worst!

Me: Are you happy now?

My wonderful friend: Yes.  The happiest I've ever been. 

Me: So am I.

Sunset in Madrid

How to Make Friends

Hi readers,

I am always wondering about how to make friends. On my recent trip to Mont Blanc, with hours of time to think between breathless gasps, I had lots of time to consider. File it under "Fun Things to Think About to Ensure Your Brain is Getting Enough Oxygen at Altitude".  In my slightly impaired state, I came to many brilliant conclusions on the topic.  The problem with high altitude deep thoughts?  They pass like clouds and footprints through a hypoxic brain.  Back on the valley floor and discussing this phenomenon with the other holiday climbers dedicated alpine mountaineers on the trip, it occurred to me: I now counted this lovely band of British men among my friends.

You make friends by sharing experiences 

Experiences serve as a watermark.  Even through silent times on the mountain we were bonding. In quiet moments later we had something to look back on and discuss.  We witnessed important stuff together--avalanches, helicopter rescues, group members falling on their faces trying to crampon through the snow.  The "experiences theory" is why the people I know that "hang out" the most seem to have the most friends.  The exposure time is greater.

My problem is I don't have a lot of patience for "hanging out".  I would rather be "drinking martinis" or "obsessing over my blog readership statistics" or "going to spinning class" or "reading sarcastic nonsense on the internet".

Here is the trick--go do the stuff you put in those quotation marks.  Talk to the other people involved in those activities. For example, in my case I will be approaching unfriendly-looking people drinking martinis alone in hotel bars.  Once I break into their day with my unfailing good attitude moderately friendly demeanor, we can participate in activities we mutually enjoy.

And that's how you make friends.  Figure out stuff you like to do, then stalk other people involved in similar activities.  You're welcome.  Picture of me with my new mountain friends below.

How to Travel with Your Friends

Hi readers,
After an exhausting weekend in Milan, I dutifully logged into my gmail to check for update e-mails from Watch What Happens Live CNN International and quickly migrated my attentions to Rhymes with Fabulous to update the blog-world with my thoughts about fabulous Milan travel itineraries.

Then I looked on the internet. Turns OUT, there are already approximately 7,000,000 Milan travel itineraries available.  From professional travel writers (well, you know what I mean--OTHER professional travel writers)  Here are links to some great ones:


Hostelworld Milan travel itinerary
Viator Milan Travel Itinerary
Itlaylogue Milan Travel Itinerary
Trip Advisor Milan Travel Itinerary

Seriously--read the itineraries and do all those things!!  Or google "Milan Shopping Eating Wine Cultural Travel Itinerary" and do all THOSE things.  They are wonderful, magical things.


You know what I like to do in Milan?  Drink cappuccino.  Also, watch other people walk around.  Also,  draw cappuccino pictures in my journal.  Also, daydream in nonsensical half-thoughts. Also, write the daydreams down in my journal in big, slow, loopy letters.

These activities may sound familiar if you are a writer.  Problem is, I was not in Milan with other writers.  I was in Milan with normal people, who would have likely thought I was crazy if I had whipped out my journal full of cappuccino pictures.

I realized about half way through the first day of our trip that I had gotten FAR too comfortable with "writer's vacations"--the cute pet name I have for the weekends where I arrive alone in a new city and spend 3 hours every day in coffee shops, listening to people speak languages I don't understand and writing about the way their hands look while they are talking.

Listen, I love these vacations.  But trips with other people are different in some wonderful ways.  For example: I barely had to talk to myself for 3 whole days!  I went to nice restaurants and sat at actual tables!  I ordered bottles of wine and remember finishing them!

Here are some ways to ensure you get the most out of travel with your wonderful friends:

HOW TO BE FABULOUS IN SMALL GROUP TRAVEL

1) Use Air BnB.  A bit expensive when I am traveling solo, I had my first Air BnB experience in Milan and absolutely loved it! The apartment was comfortable and right in the middle of town.  We drank wine and ate snacks at home.  Someone had left cookies.  And tea!

2) Take naps.  I am a full convert to the Spanish siesta, especially in the hot months of spring and summer. There is no shame in the phrase, "Let's rest for 30 minutes."  Bonus: it tends to prevent hot, cranky fighting--a decidedly un-fabulous activity (both on vacation and in general).

3) Have an agenda.  The best idea is a specific event you are traveling for (in Milan, for example we went to see the World Expo, which I would highly recommend).  Concerts are great too.  If there is no time-specific occasion, at least have a few (seriously, 3 a day, tops) sites that you want to visit.

4) Have a "Priorities Discussion".  When you ARRIVE at Prada is not the time to discuss how many hours to spend there.  Before you depart figure out how you want to budget your time-Wine tasting?  Handbags?  City tours?  Massages?  If you plan in advance you can compromise split up so everyone gets to do what they want.

5) Research the Location.  When I travel alone, I read as I go.  For traveling with others I think its better to have a little bit of background knowledge so you can impart interesting facts.  For example, did you know there are FIVE major fashion brands with headquarters in Milan? Or that the Italian Grand Prix is held in Milan every year?  Or that the Duomo took almost 400 years to complete?  Or that the calories in tiramisu are negated if you drink an espresso after dessert?  (Sorry, just wondering if you were still reading)

Happy travels!

Friends are Fabulous

Hi reader,
One of the things I love most about being a woman is the amount of honest thought I put into my friendships. I consider them, I nurture them, I treasure them and I watch them grow (or wither and die) with huge amounts of purpose and satisfaction.  Many aspects of my life are better when I am putting significant thought into my friendships.
As I was researching for this post I realized there has already been a tremendous amount written about the different types of friends women have.  Springboards, mirrors, toxic friends, peanut butter friends, cheerleaders, Lamborgihinis, Volkswagons, bicycles, etc etc, whatever. So instead of restating the "5 Types of Friends You NEED in Your Life" drivel, here is what it boils down to for me:

Your friends are a reflection of who you are.  Good friends are fabulous. Bad friends will weigh you down faster than 2 AM McDonalds and depress you more than the resulting cellulite. Instead of searching out certain friends and pigeon-holing existing relationships into weird, pre-defined-by-someone-else roles, here are the questions you need to periodically ask about the friends that are in your life:

1.  What do they bring to the table?  There is no wrong answer to this question. Maybe you are looking for someone who loves to go snowshoeing with you.  Maybe you are looking for someone that knows the maître di at Per Le.  No judgement--both are perfectly acceptable desires.  As long as you feel like your friend is contributing someone that you desire to the relationships, the friendship has room for growth




2.  Are there any aspects of this person that are a total pain-in-the-ass deal breaker for you?  Keep in mind--this deal breaker, much like your secret love of Zach Efron, may only to applicable in certain situations.  The same girl who you love to call when you are looking for a crazy Saturday night may well be a disaster when you are going to a serious career networking event.  You simply need to navigate the people into the right situations in your life.

3.  Are you satisfied with your friendships?  Because odds are, you know a lot of people.  Invite one of them (a friend-of-a-friend, the new girl at work, whatever) to go do something.  You don't make new friends by reading blogs and eating ice cream alone.  Go! 

How to Give Great Advice

Hi reader,
People who give great advice are fabulous. Brush up on your skills below:

1. LISTEN.  Most of the time people can come up with their own advice/plan of action.  What they really need is someone to listen.  When your friend is upset about a fight with their boyfriend, don't spend 25 minutes talking about how much you hate their stupid boyfriend anyway.  Simply say, "I'm sorry that happened to you.  Tell me about it."  Then put away your iPhone and actually pay attention for 10 minutes. Also, offer to make tea.
2. BLANKET ADVICE.  When you speak, there are a few, well-chosen sayings and questions that are applicable in almost all advice scenarios.  They are inoffensive and encourage the advice-seeker to reflect and consider their options.  Read below:
          "What makes this situation scary/exciting/embarassing/whatever?"  The person seeking advice probably needs to sort out and organize their feelings. This question is the emotional equivalent of folding laundry and helps get all the different thoughts into their proper categories.
          "What do you think will happen now?"  No matter what the scenario, this allows a person to reflect on what they think is coming up next.  Ask, then sit back and listen (see above).
          "Everything will work out in the end.  If things are not working out, it's not the end" You could follow this up with statement 1 to sound slightly less like Eckhart Tolle.
3.  DISTRACTIONS. So distractions aren't technically advice.  Whatever. You could give the advice to be distracted, but a TRULY fabulous person will just provide distractions without even mentioning it.  Spinning. Football. Dancing. Bad TV. Whatever.  People love distractions!  For example, aren't these puppies ADORABLE?

   

                                         

Now, what were we talking about again?
SEE?
Comment below--what is some of the best advise you've ever gotten?

Just dance

Hi reader,
Just for fun let's come up with a quick list of activities that are relevant on cold, disgusting, sleet-filled Sunday afternoons:

1.  Binge-watch reality television
2.  Photoshop animal heads on human bodies and post online
3.  Make large quantities of borscht
4.  Organize sock drawer alphabetically according to color
5.  DANCE PARTY

So, while these are all totally excellent options, obviously (as indicated by the cap-lock) I feel a particular affinity for option 5. Why, you ask?  Several reasons--

First of all, reality tv turns your brain into shallow, consumerist mush.  Turn off your f***ing tv.  Seriously.  Second, making borscht turns your hands red.  Third, I already photoshopped animal heads and organized by sock drawer (totally confused about what to do with the striped socks--under "S"?  so I had to stop).

The captain of getting weird AND dancing: GAGA

Which brings us to dance parties.  Dancing in
general is fabulous.  Dancing out in public is fun, good exercise and really the only socially acceptable reason reason to hip bump with total strangers.  Dancing in the privacy of one's own home shoebox apartment is a different kind of nirvana because you get to be SO WEIRD.  And anyone who has been paying attention understands that I really appreciate any opportunity to be weird. So a Sunday afternoon dance party it is.  Check out the Timeout dance party playlist and go bust a move already--you don't learn how to twerk by just sitting on your a** and playing on the computer.

What do YOU like to do on boring Sunday afternoons?  Comment below.