Happiness Lunch

Hi readers,

Today, I was blathering away to my pedicure girl in nonsensical Spanish, remarking thoughtfully and apologetically about how gross my feet were and wondering aloud how to say "square but round" in Spanish (turns out it doesn't translate) it occurred to me: I was happy.  It was a breezy summer day, I had gotten a free iced coffee and my nails were being transformed from "Alpine-Climbing-Disaster-Neutral" to "Charged-up-Cherry-Pink".

Happiness is a instinct.  These days, I am able to state my level of happiness with just a few seconds thought.   It is caused and defined by different parameters for different folks, but like Heidi Montag's plastic surgery, it is always easy to recognize.

As my delightful Korean manicurist razored dead skin off the side of my big toe, I was transported to a summer day a few years ago when I was going through a terrible break-up and not so happy.  I didn't know it at the time (the same way people that are dying from hypothermia think they are just tired).

I was having lunch with a wonderful friend, an appointment I had squeezed in between two therapy sessions in the hopes of cheering myself up.  My friend gamely asked how I was doing and I replied I wasn't quite sure.  Life seemed so complicated.  As we sipped $10 glasses of rose at Artisanal I volleyed the question back at her.

Me: "Are you happy?"

Wonderful caring friend: "Oh god, no."

Her quick answer made sense.  She was (unknowingly) at the precipice of a divorce, it was August in Manhattan and she was not a teacher, so she had to return to work instead of spending the whole day considering her feelings, filling lorazepam prescriptions and trotting around to different therapies and wellness appointments. Nonetheless, I was impressed by her sure ability to recognize her own feelings.  When she said no, I had the strength to say no too, and it made all my problems a lot simpler.  Because in the end it boils down to this:

Choice A. You're happy

Choice B. You're not happy

Everything else in life can branch our from this realization.  Once I was able to recognize my unhappiness, I started asking questions and making decisions.  Did I want to stay unhappy?  No.  Could I become happy by reconsidering my current situation?  An eventual no.

How could I change things?  

This question was the golden ticket--the one that changed my perspective.  It takes strength to ask and answer honestly, but it's been a road to fabulous and I haven't regretted a single step.  My wonderful friend and I re-live our "happiness lunch" sometimes.  The conversations tend to go like this:

Me: Remember that terrible lunch where we were both so miserable?

My wonderful friend: Ugh, yes. That was the worst!

Me: Are you happy now?

My wonderful friend: Yes.  The happiest I've ever been. 

Me: So am I.

Sunset in Madrid

Happy 4th of July!

Hi readers,
Celebrating the 4th of July overseas always feel a bit more contemplative.  Last year I was in Jackson Hole, WY (as American as baseball apple pie the Kardashians ) for a day full of fireworks, barbecue and some deadly arrangement of lemonade, vodka and blueberries.  It was fun but not in a "deep-thoughts-about-my-country" kind of way.  More in a "lets-get-drunk-and-go-tubing" kind of way.

Overseas, there is more time to consider what the 4th of July actually means--why we take the time off work to celebrate. Here is the bottom line:  America is amazing.  We have tremendous civil liberties, thousands of miles of beautiful country and hundreds of years of tradition to consider.

 Check out some interesting (if dubiously supported) facts about America here

Take a quiz about American government here

And enjoy some of my favorite pictures of our beautiful country below.  Happy 4th of July! 

 Finding serenity in Cataract Canyon, Utah

The view of Wheeler Peak in Great Basin National Park, Nevada

The magic of the Joshua Trees, California

The way we breath the air when looking over the Grand Canyon, Arizona

The tide pool explorations at lava beaches in Hawaii

Last week of school

Hi readers,
Some weeks have a theme.  For example:

1. First-week-of-spring
2. Snow-and-hot-chocolate-and-books
3. Eat-Salad-and-don't-be-fat
4. Completing-important-life-errands
5. Cherry-blossom-trees

The theme of this week in this teacher's life is:

 "Last-week-of-school"

There is something special about the last week of school.  Students are thoroughly and introspectively contemplating all you have taught them through the year while they happily study for their finals. They are so thankful and all bring you presents.  Colleagues are absorbed with the academically-rewarding work of planning units for next year.  There is an air of relaxation as the year peacefully winds to a close....

JUST KIDDING

If you believe a word of that, it's been too long since you set foot in a school building.  The last week of school is terrible.  Students are stressed about about tests, grades and papers that they have been ignoring all year.  Colleagues are either hung-over or annoyed that they have so much grading to do.  Everyone is exhausted and the only air circulating is the frantic whirlwind of people traipsing between the coffee machine and the recycling bin... 

Needless to say, this has been a week of extreme fatigue and and mild frustration at work.  It is important to count my blessings and remember that I am lucky to have a job.  So here goes, in no particular order.....

Blessings to Remember 

1.  I get to choose what I do every day.  If I don't like something that is happening in my life I have the power, the freedom and the am-ex card mastercard pre-paid debit card to do something about it.  

2.  I have a wonderful family.  We are crazy, but in that good way, like margaritas on a monday night. 

3.  I sleep in a room with a view.  Sure my bed is used and from Ikea nothing fancy, but I have a little balcony that looks out onto an adorable street and if I lay just right I can see out the window without getting up.

4.  I am healthy.  I get to walk around and use both hands to make adorable, expressive gestures and breathe moderately clean air into my lungs unassisted.  

And most importantly (at least in relation to not committing homicide at work)....

5.  I get to go on summer vacation in 2 days!  

  

Summer Thoughts

Hi readers,

On Sundays, I like to take long walks.  I like the feeling of deliberate non-purpose, and I feel it best when I'm moving. My thoughts tumble through my surroundings like river stones, turning through the infinite landscape in quick somersaults, allowing me to smooth my edges and get ready for the week ahead.

I'm amazed by where my mind goes undirected. I have no way to connect these Sunday thoughts to any type of concrete value, nothing to measure their worth. They are not assessed by their relation to the latest New York Times Magazine or what my boss thinks is important or what my father told me about life when I was five. They do not build on each other or connect to larger ideas.  There is something soothing about the way thoughts expand when they are not under pressure.  Like clouds.

     

For example, I think about the people walking in front of me and how long they've known each other. They fall out of the current and I consider the navel oranges sitting happily piled in front of the bodega on my corner. I think about each restaurant I pass and what it might be like to eat there. The places I've already eaten, I ironically don't spend very much time considering, as if they have been checked off on some list of potential human experiences. I like to examine sidewalk debris, discarded flyers and worn confetti outside of night clubs.  There is something about an empty green bottle next to a park bench on Sunday morning that creases my mind into a smile.  I don't usually listen to music or do anything except just walk, talking to myself amicably, feeling the solitary strength that comes from not being told what to do.

There is an art to not being told what to do.  It involves being comfortable in my own thoughts, a pool I half-step hesitantly into each week and dive into headfirst each summer.  In preparation for the summer (and because Monday has been depressing on a level between bad tv and overcooked pasta) here is a quick list of things I like to think about...when I don't have anything I have to think about:

SUMMER THOUGHTS

1.  My favorites.  Like a 13 year old girl, I try to make lists of my favorite movies, nail polish colors, streets to walk on, cities to visit and ice cream frozen yogurt toppings.  It helps me to develop opinions.
2.  My family.  How old are my nephews?  What does my mother like to eat for breakfast?  When is the last time I spoke to my aunt?  It's important to think about family.
3.  Where I've been.  Literally: where have I been this week?  This year?  I have a terrible memory and I need all the practice remembering stuff I can get. Also, it gives me hope that one day I might get better at telling appropriate stories.
4.  How I should stop talking to myself.  Seriously.  Life goal.  But, like most of the things that make me look crazy (taking out the trash in my pajamas, going to the same grocery store multiple times in the same day, drinking 3 vodka martinis during "girls night") I love talking to myself.

Long summer days are here...if you didn't have time for a walk on Sunday...just leave work early and take one today.  It's important.

Summer Fashion

Hi readers,
Deep in my latest social justice kick, I have turned my considerations from manicures to clothing production.  I have a fun little weekend game for you:  Go through your closet and check the labels on your clothing.  Separate your various styles of black leggings stylish, graphic-print summer wear collection by country of origin.  Notice anything?  It will likely look something like this:


SOUTH EAST ASIA                                                                              EVERYWHERE ELSE

                                                       











The garment production industry is almost ironically un-fabulous.  The environmental and social consequences of clothing production in this world are completely horrifying.  A large variety of unbelievable statistics about water consumption, waste production and the unimaginable cost in human labor can be found here.
So, how can we make fashion more "deep fabulous"?  (Because shallow fabulous is gross, like when Tara Reid flashed her weird fake boob)  There are some awesome companies practicing something called "green fashion".  Think sustainable, fair-trade, organic fashion.  Have a picture in your mind? Does it look like this?

Get these creepy-looking old people (sorry) out of your head and start thinking about Stella McCartney.  Mina & Olya and yes, even H&M.  Check out some looks from elle.com below:

   

Check out ecofashionworld.com for some brand suggestions.  Happy shopping! 

Mont Blanc

Hi readers,
I am going to climb Mt. Blanc this summer. See photo:

It sounded like a great idea when "summer" was a vaguely defined pipe dream on the horizon of my thoughts.  Now that "summer" has arrived and I am trotting off to climb the highest mountain in Western Europe in 10 days I'm a little bit terrified.

I've had to remind myself (generally while I'm looking through expensive piles of waterproof outwear, envisioning the cushion an orange North Face Summit Series windbreaker will provide when I fall into a 1,000 foot crevasse) that being a little bit terrified is not a bad thing.  It means I am attempting something out of my comfort zone.  Other times in my life when I've been a little bit terrified include:

1) When I moved to Hong Kong (I don't speak Chinese, and my concern about getting sold into white slavery after accepting a job on the internet felt reasonable)

2) When I ended my last serious relationship.

3) The first time I went skydiving. Okay, every time I go skydiving.

4) When I learned how to drive (I was 20 years old and it took me between 6 months and 7 years to complete the process, depending on who you talk to)


5) The first time I went camping by myself.

So, looking back--am I glad I overtook all these moderately terrifying endeavors?  Big Yes. Because attempting terrifying things changes my perspective.  I'm able to look back and compare the NEW terrifying things to the OLD terrifying things...and I think that is what Opera Deepak Chopra, Benjamin Franklin meant when he talked about personal growth.  (see inspirational quote).  Even if I fail, it gives me a way to continue the evolution of my spirit.  As long as I don't fall off the mountain...and that is what my windbreaker is for.  Happy Wednesday!

New York Times: The Price of Nice Nails

Hi readers,

Unless you have been lurching around under a rock for the past week, I assume you have heard sometime about the New York Times nail expose.  "The Price of Nice Nails" and "Perfect Nails, Poisoned Workers" hit a chord with me as a die-hard, manicure-loving New Yorker.  The picture included in the article (see photo) highlighting the staggering abundance of nail salons "in one New York City neighborhood" is actually a picture of MY New York City neighborhood.  As I grew up I watched David's Cookies shops and locksmiths and crackhouses where homeless people hung out (hey--it was the 80's) turn into nail salons and nail salons and nail salons.

Personally, I didn't start getting regular NYC manicures until I moved back to Manhattan in my mid-20s.  But the median age of the manicure customers is getting younger and younger--the salons are routinely full of middle school students, high school students and parents with their kids (girls AND boys, especially in Park Slope where everything is very "equal opportunity").  The Times exposed an important subculture that sounds terribly isolating and depressing.  The articles were carefully researched, poignant and well-written.

 So.  Are you going to stop getting nails done?   I'm probably not.  

And you know what?  I don't feel bad about it.  Here's why:  When I get my nails done, much like when I take a taxi or buy a meal in a restaurant, I tip upwards of 20%.  That means on a $50 mani/pedi/massage package (you NEED to get the package) I tip between $10-$15.  I also usually ask the girl/boy for their name and introduce myself.  If they wants to practice their English, I politely put away my US Weekly New Yorker magazine and have a little conversation. If one of my nails get screwed up, I laugh and ask if it is possible to fix.  In short, when I am at the nail salon (or in one of the myriad of other locations where people work sh*tty service industry jobs in this world) I do my best to ACT LIKE A HUMAN BEING.

I routinely sit next to women (and men, if I'm in Chelsea) that tip with spare change and talk to the salon employees as though they are poorly behaved zoo animals (if they talk to them at all).  This seems unhelpful.  I dedicate the following list to you.

Don't Be a B*tch! How to Behave with People that Work in the Service Industry: A Checklist 

Step 1: Say hello and smile.
Step 2: Don't be a b*tch if you have to wait 5 minutes.  This applies to restaurants, nail salons, Starbucks counters, etc.  Take the time to practice your Zen-like deep breathing.
Step 3: Be clear about what you want.  To clarify: I do not mean "it's now okay to start acting like a b*tch about what you want".  But explicitly state exactly what you want: a menu item, a "square yet round" nail file, extra protein booster in your Jamba Juice, whatever.
Step 4: Also, be clear about time constraints.  If you are in a rush, tell the people what time you have to leave.  They are in the service industry--they want to provide you with good service in the time you have available.
Step 5: Tip 20%.  Don't believe me?  Read the Times articles again.  Seriously.  20%.  

The Baby Question (Part 2)

Hi readers,

Just back from the gynecologist! Ahhh...I love the internet.

How was the doctor, you ask?! (If you haven't changed the channel web browser internet setting by now.  It was PAINFUL!! I went to have an IUD put in.  (See "The Baby Question: Part 1" to get all caught up).

So the The Baby Question: Part 1 has been answered, at least for now.  The answer is, "Not right now."

However, after having my intelligent, friendly gynecologist jam a stick up my uterus gently and professionally insert an inter-uterine device, the Baby Question Part 2 has come to light:

HOW do women deal with the PAIN of childbirth?! 

My IUD (affectionately nicknamed "Duckers", at least for now) was approximately one-tenth of a centimeter wide and about as long as a quarter.  I had to stop Dr. Duckers TWICE during the procedure because of the discomfort and pain.  I have never experienced anything like it. I almost passed out.  Lets compare:

CALLING ALL MOMS. HOW THE F#CK DID YOU DO THAT? COMPARISON IMAGES

IUD IN HUMAN PALM

NEWBORN BABY IN HUMAN PALM

I'm speechless.  Speechless.

I was in the delivery room when my sister gave birth to her first son.  Yes, it looked like it hurt a lot.  Yes, I may have briefly taken my brother-in-law into the hallway to rough him up a little discuss the miracle of labor.  But afterwards my kind, loving and apparently completely masochistic sister said she didn't even remember the pain.  In fact, she proceeded to have TWO MORE CHILDREN IN THE NEXT 5 YEARS.  I don't even want to go take Duckers out in the next 5 years.  

Moms--I am going to start being way nicer when you are slow pushing your stroller in front of me down the street.  Two reasons:  First, I respect your birthing process. Second, if you can do THAT...I can do ANYTHING.  As long as it's not childbirth.  

What is the world did you do to survive childbirth?  Comment below--I'm dying to know.

How to Improve Memory

Hi readers,
The title of this post should be phrased as a question:

How can I improve my memory?
And, more importantly, why is my memory SO BAD?!

Let's work backwards through the above list of inquires.

1. Why is my memory so bad?

Yesterday...sure, yesterday existed.  I have no idea what I mindlessly searched around for on the internet important projects I completed at work. Or how much wine coffee almond milk I drank. Or what I saw on reality TV while I was out enjoying a healthy jog.  The events of 48 hours ago might as well have taken place in another lifetime.  What's the deal?  Have I been getting stupider?  Did the excessive moderate amount of "substance indulgence" in late 20's early 20's college cause such a severe effect on my mind?

I have a theory about the general decline of memory: When something is seldom used or paid any attention, it tends to fade into general obscurity.  For example:

List of Formerly Important Things That Have Fallen Into Obscurity

1.  Minidisk Players
2.  Calista Flockhart (but you look great, girlfriend! Check out photo)
3. The Cincinnati Post
4.  Moon Boots
5.  "Saved By The Bell: The New Class"





Please note, Saved By The Bell: The New Class is different than Saved By The Bell: The College Years, which I watched religiously.  Until they graduated.  You know, again.  Anyway, the point is people don't use memory as much anymore.  People used to actually commit to memory things like unit conversions, song lyrics, names of restaurants, people's fax car phone iPhone 5 numbers, plots of Saved By The Bell episodes...etc.  Now we don't need to.  We use google.  Much like eating peyote (or so I hear...), google is vastly improving one part of the human experience while simultaneously potentially destroying something else: human memory.  Which brings us to the next question...


2. How can I improve my memory?
I rode my bike home from work this week.  I know I passed by some flowers.  What color were they, you ask? Excellent question! I have no idea. In order to improve my memory I have decided I need to start consciously trying to remember obscure details about the hours I whittle away on this planet.
For example: Today I went to the Worldpress digital photography exhibition.  The countries where pictures were taken included:


Spain.  "Different Cultural Regions"
El Salvador.  "Remnants of the Civil War"
France.  "Light in Paris"
Greece "Immigrant Survival"
Venezuela "Prison in Caracas"

Ahh, I feel better already.  Double better since a) I am not in prison in Caracas and b) I didn't have to look up a single exhibit on the internet.

What tricks do you use to help your memory?  Comment below! 

The Baby Question

Hi readers,

Pop quiz: Do you want children?  More importantly, do I want children?!

AHHHHHHH!!!

The plaguing question of the 30-something, strong, independent woman army.  After a "cervical massage" at the doctor this morning and some pillow talk about my current sexual relationship, my new gynecologist brought up the idea that I may want to switch from a bill control pill to an IUD.  Because apparently it's inappropriate to be on birth control for 12 years.  (Seriously, it is.  It causes melasma, those dark pigmentation spots.  NOT fabulous).

Anyway, the point is an IUD will work for up to 5 years. And that sounded totally appropriate to me. I said to myself, "Oh good.  I won't have to consider having children again until I'm 36 slightly older".  Then I realized: When I'm slightly older I will be starting to get kind of old (in REPRODUCTIVE YEARS not GENERAL MATURITY) .

Is there some late twenties life station I missed where people make important reproductive decisions?  I don't even really understand how people make definitive decisions about the outfits they wear to work or the restaurants where they eat dinner.   The idea of making a decision about STARTING A FAMILY always seemed like something best left to grown-ups.  Now, it turns out, I am sort of a grown up (again, in REPRODUCTIVE YEARS).

And for right now, my answer to the baby question is no.  A firm, polite, and slightly scared-I'm-missing-out type of "no"-the same way I respond when people ask me about Etsy, or tartan jackets or Joan Didion books, or the myriad list of other things that I respect and admire but do not necessarily understand.  

What do you think about the baby question?  Comment below.

Embrace Your Weaknesses

I came up with a theory at breakfast this morning that just might get me kicked out of the land of strong independent women. Before Madonna and Hilary Clinton come to toss me to the curb, let me explain:

I ate breakfast this morning in the 

NH Zuid Amsterdam hotel. They have a wonderful buffet that includes charcuterie, these funny Dutch bread sprinklesfruit, cereal, bread, cheese, pastries and an omelet bar. 

 I happily ignored the shocked looks from hotel staff as I kept going up to caress the tremendous variety of individually packaged fruit spreads and steal herbal tea bags. During the middle of my 'dessert course' I wondered vaguely as I stuffed my face with cappachino and granola if the hotel kitchen had some magical calorie reduction technique they employed on buffet lines. Around this time, I realized: hotel breakfasts are my weakness. 

I love them.

Someone else cooks all this food, which feels indulgent and luxurious. It comes with an endless variety of baked goods, it sometimes includes champagne and best thing of all, it means I'm on vacation!! 

For years I have felt guilty about consuming a day's worth of calories before 10 AM, self-consciously trying to look skinny as I eat miniature chocolate muffins and pancakes drowning in syrup and butter. No more! Hotel breakfast is my weakness! This morning I gave myself permission to totally indulge and not worry about the consequences. The hotel probably DOES have some majgical calorie reduction technique for the buffet line and if not, who cares? I walk an average of 10 miles a day of vacation, I deserve a good breakfast!

My newfound "Celebrate weakness" theory really made me think--feeling a weakness towards something is an expression of love. Instead of self-concious worrying I am going to loudly and completely embrace the following: 

Overspending on fabulous travel weekends

€400 shoes, even if I wear them once a year

Hotel buffet breakfast

Life sounds more enjoyable already. 

What's your list of weaknesses? 

Link for nH hotel Zuid:

http://m.nh-hotels.com/hotel/nh-amsterdam-zuid

Sources for Creativity

Hi readers,
A creative life is important to me.  Every day I try to find time to write or draw or walk or learn something new.  It helps break up the time between episodes of Top Chef Junior and bottles of Ribera del Duero.

With writing, my best words come early in the morning.  But I have fallen into a writing trap.  I affectionately call it the "I-like-to-write-about-my-morning-anxiety" trap.  When I review my sunrise thoughts, they seem to circle around themes like "drowning" and "burning".  Rather decidedly un-fabulous.  So in the interest of changing my mental bandwidths (and my newfound thoughts about publicly posting more vacation photos) between coffee/tooth-brushing/frantic e-mailing this morning, I decided on a new AM writing exercise.  I can feel your anticipation!

Source for Morning Writing Creativity: Find an old picture.  Write 10 words (or write 100 words, if you have some magical fairy godmother that brushes your teeth, pours your coffee and writes your morning e-mails).

Find some inspiration below.

New beginnings thrusting dreams into clouds and concrete foundations 

(view of NYC from Hoboken, 2014)

Pink breath ignites the water.  Reality stops for the instant of birth.

(Jackson Hole Sunset, 2014)

The lighting of perfection hit the ground and wept over its fire 

(Mt. Shasta, 2014)

Present Tense

Hi readers,

In my constant quest for my most fabulous life, I realized something important today:  I often talk in past tense.  For example:

"Last night's episode of Keeping up the Kardashians PBS Nature was amazing!"
"My girlfriends and I took a trip to Woodbury Commons Vegas Napa Valley last year  "
"I read in the news about Bruce Jenner Dancing the Stars the upcoming presidential election"

As a result of all this talk in the past, I do not feel very present.  Not a big surprise.  I've been puzzling all year over how to "live closer to the moment" and feel more involved in my everyday life.  I believe shifting to the present tense, literally, in my conversations, just might make a difference.   Let's observe:

Option 1: I went to dinner this weekend at a fabulous new restaurant.
Option 2: Right now, I am starving.  Would you like to come to lunch with me so we can catch up?

Option 1: I read Wild by Cheryl Strayed, then I read her Dear Sugar advice column as well.
Option 2: Right now, I'm reading "The Enchantress of Florence".  Salman Rushdie is such a beautiful writer, I think he is one of my favorites.

Option 1: Work yesterday made me want to drop kick a puppy.
Option 2.  Today at work we are going to dissect squid, my students are so excited.

Speaking in the present tense feels alive.  The words dance and fly instead of drooping and dragging like yesterdays Botox.  The present tense is exciting! I want to start right now.  Wish me luck : )

Benefits and Drawbacks of Facebook

Hi readers,

I don't go on Facebook much. After a rather messy breakup several years ago that involved some "extracurricular" Facebook-inspired sex (not on my part, mind you, all my sex is inspired by cheap porn and dungeons and dragons fantasies) I sort of lost faith in the institutions of mainstream social media. Because hey, it turns out a lot of people use Facebook for bad sex, and ex-stalking, and a myriad of other non-fabulous activities that I generally do not have time for.

The upside: I miss all the BIG news about what cartoon character best represents who, the mommy advice debates about the BEST daycare groups in the SUBURBS and the variety of complaints about work/politics/neighbors/family members/restaurants/vacations/Mondays/traffic.

The continued upside: I have more time to do activities outdoors, read books, have conversations with people and plan vacations.

The downside: Readers I must confess...I struggle with where to post my vacation photos! They just sit on my computer, sad and alone, with no "likes" or witty comments to keep them company.
I need an Internet soap box, accessible to my friends and family, with the capacity upload pictures....how many blondes does it take to figure this one out?

Watch this space for some awesome vacation pictures, coming soon! 

Stay fabulous 

Morning Sunshine!

Hi reader,

In my modern working girl life fantasies, I spring out of bed in the morning fashionable and fabulous, efficiently iMessaging about important appointments and ready to change the world every day. Like this:

                                          


In reality, this morning when my alarm clock went off I stretched, blinked half heartedly and spent 5 minutes trying to think of something exciting enough about my looming day to get me out of bed. Like this:

                                          

               

If you ever feel the same way, here is a list of things to do to help you get out of bed in the morning.

Morning List of Fabulous

1) Lay out your outfit the night before. Wake up excited about how adorable you are going to look all day.
2) Find an Op-Ed column (Maureen Dowd is better than a cup of coffee any day) or blog (AHEM) that you like to read for 5 minutes in the morning. Religious texts work too--namaste, amen, etc, etc
3) Buy an AWESOME coffee machine.
4) Wake up with time to sit down and have breakfast.  Make something good, preferably the night before--see Shape Magazine's recs here
5) Put a piece of candy next to sink in the bathroom. Whatever, you're about to brush your teeth anyway.  On a diet?  Totally, me too.  Put a sticky note with an awesome song lyric, self-congratulatory note or a gentle, loving reminder not to be such a fat-ass on the mirror

Good luck! Almost Friday...

Wait Time

Hi reader,

I want to engage in a little warm up activity:

Step 1: Close your mouth and breathe in through your nose

Step 2: Silently, slowly count to 5

Congratulations! You have just practiced the art of "how to shut the f#ck up for 5 seconds".  It's something I've realized recently I need more of in my life.  As a teacher, a female and a general eager-to-please type of person, I am not a huge fan of gaps in conversation.  It makes me uncomfortable-in that itchy, social-hives, am-I-boring kind of way.  However, while googling ways to have better conversations with my boyfriends students and professional colleagues, I came across lots of interesting tips about the importance of "wait time", the art of pausing to allow for better flow and deeper dialogue during conversation.  For example, did you know:

1) "Wait time" is a cultural phenomena--different lengths of time are observed in different areas and social situations.  You should pay attention to social cues in your environment to figure out appropriate wait time

2) "Wait time" can be interpreted as a sign of intelligence--it shows you are deeply considering and processing the question or information presented.  Always take a deep breath before you answer in important situations like big meetings, job interviews and "would you rather" at Sunday brunch.  

3) "Wait time" should be a few seconds longer in a dialogue between only two people-when your friend asks, "How are you?" over a coffee, take a few seconds to consider your answer.  It will lead to more interesting conversation. 

When will YOU "shut the f#ck up for 5 seconds"?  You'll be amazed how drastically it changes the pace, depth and direction of your conversations throughout the day. 

Happy Spring

Hi Readers,

I'm back! It's been a long winter with lots of work stress, dry skin and writing about the general and consuming frustrations of life in my paper journals.  Then I thought, "Self...this is the year 2015.  Take this self-involved diatribe back to the interwebs!" So here I sit, clicking away self-consciously, trying to find a way to reconcile all of my innermost thoughts and problems to this very public forum.

The first thing it makes me realize about my problems...they're stupid.

I'm not very good at my job.  Who cares?  My clothes don't fit very well over my newly-acquired Spanish "ham butt".  Go shopping! I don't have enough time to meditate.  Grasshopper needs to get her spanish ham butt off Instagram and MAKE time.

It's all about keeping a positive attitude, right?  This spring I want to stay positive and mindful and it's HARD and that in itself is sort of stupid.  Why is it hard to simply be present in a moment?  Here are some practices I want to try:

4 Beginner Level, Totally Made-Up Mindfulness Practices:

1) Smile.  At a stranger (or just someone I don't know very well, so I don't start getting stalked by creepy strangers).  At least once a day.
2) Make small talk (and listen).  As a New Yorker, I'm genetically engineered to tune out when people start blathering on at me if I'm busy.  Recently (I think it has something to do with hanging around Europeans) I am realizing the art of "chit-chat".  It's cute.  I think it's how people that don't drink alcohol make friends?
3) Flowers. Look at them, grow them, buy them, whatever.  I want flowers (see photo). It's spring.
4) Passion projects.  Hence the blogging.  Passion provides roots in the world, gives me something to light up about.  If it was important enough for Google employees, that's good enough for me.

Do you have any mindfulness practices you like to use to stay positive and in the moment?  And hey, what the hell have you been up to for the past 3 months?! Comment below and let me know.  Happy Spring!

Pick and Choose

I spend a lot of time every day asking myself questions.

Do I really want that croissant?  Will I still be able to button my pants if I eat that croissant?  What is going to happen with Ebola?  If I am going to die of Ebola anyway, why not just eat the stupid croissant?

Etc.

This type of internal dialogue is what gets me through the day. I have perfected my, "Oh, of course I'm paying attention to what your saying. You are so INTERESTING. Please go on." face so that I can happily talk to myself inside my head while people are blathering on about....well, frankly I have no idea what.

Lately, my internal questions have been focused around happiness (hence all the french pastry references).  The two questions that have kept me wondering are points I think it is important for everyone to consider:

How many things do you do every day because you feel like you have to?

How would your life be different if you focused on doing only the things you wanted to?

I do lots of things every day because I feel like I have to.  Wake up and go to work. Put on pants that do not allow me to plow an endless stream of croissants into my face. Act friendly moderately friendly tolerant towards people I do not enjoy speaking to. Save money.  Research health insurance options. Drink water instead of vodka soda coffee. Some of these things are important in the long run. Some, I am coming to realize, are simply an excuse to remain in a whirlpool state of moderate dissatisfaction.

"Oh, of course I'm not that happy.  I have to (fill in this blank with some annoying activity) every day/week/month/whatever."  

In considering this conundrum, I have reached the following ideal:  

I would like to be happy, immediately in-the-moment happy, 80% of the time.  Even at work. Even talking to people I don't enjoy. Even if I'm tired. 

The other 20% I will be satisfied participating in activities that I believe have the potential to make me happy in the future (actively attempting not to lose my job, picking a good health care package, collecting my birth control pills thyroid medication from the pharmacy, etc)

This may take some life tailoring.

Step 1:  Actively consider the activities that make me unhappy. For me, this is anything that causes stress.  Measure their importance and the amount of time spent on these activities.

Step 2: Actively consider the activities that make me happy. For me, this may involve reading books, resting and (gasp) having fun at work with the 100 students I teach every day.  Instead of making them think life is a series of serious, boring meetings.  (Which, side note, if you're not careful, it is.)

Step 3: Organize my time so I spend more of my day on the things that make me happy. "Work smarter" as they say, and get unpleasant things over with quickly.

Step 4: Reassess.  Are the activities I picked causing me long term happiness?  Is there stress from anything I am leaving undone?

In celebration of the fall, I am going to embark on this little experiment.  The 80% experiment. Deep breath (because they make me happy, duh). Wish me luck. 

Always Be Nice

...even when you don't like the person you are talking to.  Even when you're bored and hungry and late for something.  Even when the November doldrums set in and instead of being nice you are just desperately trying to get from one cup of vodka wine coffee tea...yeah...tea to the next without losing your mind. Why, you ask?  Well, funny enough I have been asking myself the same thing lately (the above scenarios are not simply a matter of blog-land fiction).  Here's why I think it's important to be nice:

1. It's good for your blood pressure. When I am having a pleasant conversation with someone, I notice my breathing slow down and my whole body relax.  When I am annoyed, I tense up and get all squinty-eyed like a feral cat (not a good look--in addition to high blood pressure, it gives me meanness bags around my eyes that no Chanel cream can wipe away).

2. It's attractive to be nice.  People notice how you behave.  If you are smiling and being friendly, even though you would rather be ripping your toenails out with a dull knife than listening patiently to some idiot explain (insert dim, obtuse topic here), people want to talk to you.  OTHER people. Interesting, possibly cute/rich/intellectually stimulating single men type people.  So smile and look attentive for 5 minutes.

3. Nice is fabulous.  The goal is to be fabulous.  Mean is kryptonite, the anti-fabulous, the wrinkly, bitter, haggard older sister of fabulous that people simply tolerate.  Everyone wants to be around nice people. And one day you might stop being such a b*tch and decide you want some more friends. So suck it up and stop being so condescending.

More advice on HOW to be nice (EVEN in winter, EVEN when hungover, EVEN when the salesperson at H&M won't let you bring all your damn clothes in the fitting room) are coming soon. Stay tuned! 

Passion vs. Busy-ness

Tim Kreider recently wrote an opinion piece for the NY Times titled "The Busy Trap".  If you are too lazy to click the link (or if you clicked the link but got distracted by the Prada handbag Scientific American popup ads...), you can read my summary below:

People create busy-ness for themselves.  Busyness is an annoying, distracted state that allows people to focus on being annoyed and distracted instead of processing any real information or real life experiences.  Mr. Kreider makes a particularly striking and beautiful point about feeling like he has to shout over the self-imposed hysteria of "busy-ness" in order to make simple plans with friends.

The idea of busy-ness taking the place of real experiences resonates with me as a stressed, type A New Yorker in a tremendous way.  I recently moved across the ocean to escape the busy New York life style and, guess what?  The lifestyle followed me to Spain! I've become so accustomed to filling up my days with activities that I continued on the same trend almost immediately the second I set foot on European soil.



Here's the problem: It's easy to be busy.  It's difficult to be SATISFIED with your life and feel you are pursuing worthwhile activities. Fulfillment does not come from filling up the hours on your calendar. Fulfillment comes from enjoying the activities you pursue both personally and professionally.



I have made a decision to stop seeking out busy-ness and start seeking PASSION. Basically it was either that or grind my teeth into dust trying to keep up with an impossible schedule.  I had a flash of blinding inspiration and realized I quite like my teeth, so getting out of the stress-ocean of busy-ness was the logical choice. Mediterranean Sea of Passion, here I come....


To start seeking passion, I have a 3-step plan (In my defense, I cut it down from 5 to 3 in the interest of distillation and "un-busy-ness")

1. Slow down.  It is important to breathe.  Every minute of every day.  It is difficult to breathe when you are simultamously e-mailing, texting, eating a snack, drinking a coffee, booking a flight to Brussels, crossing items off a to-do list and talking on the phone.  I am going to focus on doing one thing at a time and doing it SLOWLY in order to enjoy my e-mail/text/coffee/sense of satisfaction with my to-do list.

2.  Pick and Choose.  In our world of continuous, endless streams of information, it becomes continually more difficult to prioritize.  Just because an activity is listed on the internet, or a new recipe comes up on glamour.com NYTimes Cooking Blog, doesn't mean I need to participate.  I have activities and routines I enjoy (and it took a long time to figure out what they are).  I want to let everything else go and focus on the things that make me happy.  This step may be pretty intense, because picking and choosing the things that make me happy mean I need to alter my lifestyle.  There will certainly be more written about Step 2 as I have time to reflect (see below).

3. Reflect.  The power of reflection is part of the beauty of life.  It is that quiet time when deep, surprising connections are made.  It's important for the brain and the spirit. It is the essence of the Mediterranean Sea of passion.  Just sit and look and clear your mind....everything else can wait.