New Job Anxiety and How to Overcome It

New things are scary. Just think about the last time you moved or switched hair stylists or the first hipster outfit you bought...scary scary scary.

As any fearless, fabulous, modern woman knows, scary and exciting are like Max and Caroline on 2 Broke Girls-they like to travel hand in hand, Laverne-and-Shirley style, shoving their skinny faces with amazing cupcakes. In other words--to have an exciting life, you need to grab scary for a high school make-out session and live out of your comfort zone.

A new job is the ultimate scary/exciting experience. By definition you must put your comfortable, fuzzy-blanket past behind you, step on some professional stiletto-clad toes, and unequivocally start over. There is no 'oh maybe I will come back to my old job with a drunken 3 AM phone call' wavering that stigmatizes leaving OTHER things behind. A new job is total sink or swim territory. 

So, how do you do it right?

Seeing as I'm starting a new job TOMORROW, this topic has been heavy on my mind. Here is some of my best advice:

1) Be organized. Make lists, take notes, write down people's names and take time to process new information. Clean your desk off at the end of the day and go through all your new papers, folders, binder clips. It will help you feel in control and will help you LOOK like you are in control, which is important because there are definitely people watching. Which brings us to point two...

2) Get there early, stay there late. Even if it's just for the first few weeks. Even if it's just a few minutes. It will help you get organized and people will definitely notice (in a good way, not like when you changed your stylist)

3) Be social. These people you are meeting, they are your new friends/work family AND a wonderful source of information about the copy machine, best lunch spot and the things the boss loves and hates. The best use of your time (after, of course, you get organized, which you will do early/late) is to be friendly and get to know them.

4) Remember: you know what you're doing. There is a reason you got hired. Transfer any skills possible from your old work.  Trust yourself, speak up (politely) in meetings if you think you have an important question or an idea worth hearing.

5) Smile.  Seriously. Put the resting-bitch-face away for a few weeks. While you are listening to people or meeting people or washing your hands in the restroom next to someone who may own a 51% share in your company, you need to smile. A good first impression is worth a little bit of that precious collagen. 

What other advice would you give someone on their first day of work (like me, on my first day of work...which did I mention is tomorrow? Time for bed!)

Seeking a Purpose

In considering my blog (in my adorable, self-involved way), I realized I have felt a little lost lately because my writing here has lacked purpose.  I don't know who I want my audience to be or why I want them to read.  Thoughts about ex-boyfriends?  Advice on the larger purpose of life?  Useful topographic maps of major international department stores?  It's just so hard to whittle down a focus!!


Thankfully, the internet exists to help answer
such questions.  I checked out The Mimialists "How to Start a Successful Blog" and felt immediately inspired and rejuvenated. After several page redirects and some careful thought I recalled my purpose.  I want to give funny, insightful advice on life to women in their 20s and 30s.  If you don't need advice, more power to you! Congratulations! You can can download online Sephora coupons by clicking here.

If you are still with me, riddle me this: what do women want advice about?  So many things! Men. Shoes. Work. Family. Friends. Cooking. Interesting conversations. Financial advice.

How to live a more meaningful existence?  I realized I've been writing a lot about this lately.  Obviously I should knock it off and write more about shoes and cooking (for financial advice, check out Paula Pant and Afford Anything-she does better than I ever could!).  But, before I get off my #deepthoughts kick, here is one more round of advice for a more purposeful existence.

3 STEPS TO A MORE PURPOSEFUL EXISTENCE 

1) Take a Step Back.  Life is a series of moments.  If you never step back to consider how the moments are connected, it's easy to drift.  Take time to pause and reflect.  Set goals and refer to them. Don't be afraid to start out in a new direction if you feel like you're not achieiving your maximum potential.  Take it from a girl who just dropped a wonderful life in NYC like a bad habit and hopped the pond--change is good.

2) Find something big to believe in.  God.  Art.  Nature.  Facebook.  All of the above.  Find deeper meaning by connecting your random time on this planet to something bigger than yourself.  When you are drawing connections in your life, it is helpful if you have something to connect them TO.

3) Surround yourself with interesting conversation.  Yes, this means you need to read the news.  READ THE NEWS.  Go to art galleries, operas, pop music concerts, new restaurants, free book readings.  What else do you have to talk about?  Turn off your TV, unplug your computer and go do something. Hasta luego!

Secrets of Effective Communication

I don't speak Spanish. This may not seem like earth-shattering news, and until recently I never really gave it a second thought. Then, about 2 weeks ago, I moved to Spain.  All of a sudden, my lack of Spanish was quite a relevant and important part of my day-to-day life.  I am working in an American setting here and could honestly probably get by without learning much of the language, but my interactions with shop-keepers, waiters and cute boys in bars classy museums now center around my very minimal command of a foreign language.
Like every time I travel, I was immediately reminded of the other ways that exist to communicate.  Get your mind out of the gutter...I'm talking about general body language and the overall transfer of energy that happens in a conversation.  So, find some secrets of effective communication (when language is a barrier or even when its not) below:




1) Send good vibes. Smile.  Be polite. Laugh when it is obvious you are acting like a total idiot.  People respond well to these friendly gestures.  Laughter means the same thing all over the world.  Don't take everything so seriously--send out positivity and it will come back to you.


2) Gesture emphatically. Want to know where to take a right turn?  Use your hands!  Even more than that, use your body--mimic turning, point at things, make shapes with your arms...look like an idiot?  Who cares?! Better than getting lost.


3) Learn some key phrases.  Then--take a deep breath, open your mouth and actually attempt them.  Be ready to repeat step 1 as necessary--you WILL sound like an idiot. I promise.  But it's okay.  People will be happy that you are trying and especially happy about all your positive energy.


4) Refresh yourself.  Restaurants are a wonderful place to learn language.  Full or directions to ask and things to gesture at.  Your waiter is literally paid to talk to you-take advantage of them. Also, very important-restaurants tend to serve drinks.  Drink them.  They don't even need to be alcoholic (though that helps considerably).  Loosen up. 


5) Use common sense.  Walk around like you know what you are doing.  Research your surroundings. Don't go places if you have a bad feeling. Don't talk to people that GIVE you a bad feeling.  Perfect a "don't f*ck with me" look-this is universal.

See?  You already know how to order a drink!

              

  

Practice Reflection

Oh, August.  Gazing at my gelato-cellulite dappled pale thighs in the sunlight.  Sweating profusely into my flip flops.  Squinting adorably in the bright, burning sunlight.

Clearly, outdoor activities are not a strong option.  August is a great time to practice activities that can be completed in air-conditioned rooms.  Since the gym sucks and the Kardashians are all reruns, this means I finally have time for the dreaded practice of "self reflection".

Here's the thing about self-reflection-its difficult.  If done correctly it's an intense, creative process akin to art or music.  (I suck at art and music.)  It's time consuming and requires a moderately off-putting amount of thought, especially considering you are thinking about something that ALREADY HAPPENED. I do think it's an important practice, but like other important yet annoying practices (like cooking and picking out cute, cellulite-camouflaging outfits) I believe it is best completed in a streamlined and carefully thought-out order.  So, without further ado, a (short) list of important, meditative questions for self-reflection:

1) Why am I thinking about this?
The things you want to reflect on are in your mind for a reason.  What are the core values of the actions or decisions you are considering? Why is the event important to you?  Once you can distill the values you spend time considering, you can apply them more easily to all areas of your life.
2)  Who do I want to talk to about this?
This question is helpful on many levels for me because I am a talker.  Big-time.  I am constantly searching for ways to make interesting conversation with people.  That being said, I'm terrible at talking about myself.  If I have something that I have already measured and considered I tend to be a little more forth-coming with information. Then people can HELP.  And I love help. I need all the help I can get.
3) What can I do to grow and improve based on this time of reflection?
Yes, good reflection is goal-oriented.  It's peachy to think about all the ways you can become a better person, but as useless as Brittany at a NASA convention (hey girl, you know I love you) unless you actually come up with a plan to change your life.  The magic of the to-do list.

So, in celebration of 1000 page views (thank you!) I am off to reflect on my blog.  I want this to be a beautiful, directed, creative space.  Expect improvements soon!! If there are any suggestions, please feel free to post below.

Addicted to Stuff

As I have been going through my belongings for an upcoming move to Spain, I've received lots of fascinating advice about stuff.  Stuff I should keep, stuff I should throw away, stuff I should plan to keep in storage, stuff that can be reused or recycled, stuff I should plan to buy in Europe.  All this talk has kept me up at night, wondering--

What would we have time to do if we spent less time buying/organizing/admiring/rolling around in/getting buried by all our stuff?  

The volume of stuff that is created, recycled, passed around and thrown away on this planet every day is truly exceptional.  As a species, we are generally obsessed with stuff-how much we have, how much others have, the qualities and advantages of this stuff versus that stuff-which of 17 brands of peanut butter is best, how many disposable cups we can accumulate or not accumulate in a day.  

We do not buy based on need. We buy based on desire.  Erica Sofrina writes about the experience of shopping in an article on care2 and says

Shopping is filling a need. It often provides a distraction from having to look at what is really 

making us unfulfilled. Instead of going to the mall, take an afternoon off and go somewhere 

in nature that inspires you.

I would like to counter and also suggest that people shop because accumulating stuff is EASY.  Commercials and Facebook advertisements tell you what to buy.  If you don't feel like going outside, you can just go online and an adorable drone robot kitten will deliver your brand new mercenary paintball turret right to your back door. No money?  Charge it!  You do know everyone else in the neighborhood has a mercenary paintball turret, right?  Stop thinking so much and just buy, Buy, BUY.  

In preparing to move abroad I want to stop buying.  More than that, I want to stop contributing to this wasteful, superficial, capitalism tornado that is tearing apart our society and destroying our planet.  I am headed to Europe with the feeling that I am good enough, my belongings are good enough and everything is going to be fine.  That feeling is not made out of my stuff. I did not shop for it.  I need surprising little in the way of material possessions to feel that way.  I actually think as I have been getting rid of stuff over the course of the week, I have been achieving a greater sense of calm. I am excited to go meet new people.  I hope they are kind and funny and interesting.  I don't really care what brand of jeans they have on.  I'm excited to walk in the parks, attempt a new language and drink (much too much) coffee in the plazas.  Here's to hoping that none of those activities will require a mercenary paintball turret.  Besos! 

Beautiful photo from Cream Colored Ponies

Inspiration

Inspiration: the lifeblood of creativity. Newsflash--creativity is hard work! Inspiration isn't just laying around out there with the empty 16 Handles containers on the sticky summer sidewalks of Manhattan. Where does your inspiration come from?

 I've spent a lot of time this summer considering where my inspiration comes from and I've had some surprising results. Though I love my forever home of New York City and most people consider it to be a hotbed of creative thought, I realized this summer that I feel most inspired in nature.  I find fire to be a tremendous source of inspiration. Just to be contradictory and confusing, I also find great inspiration (especially for writing) during rainstorms.  Conversations are good too-they keep the words churned up in my brain so they spill out more easily. 

In terms of creating words from inspiration, that process comes from sheer willpower.  Creation, birthing words or pictures or original thought, is not an easy process. It's difficult and uncomfortable and I can't count on both hands the number of times in the last two monthes I've taken my beautiful inspiration and simply gone on a nice walk rather than sit down and actually put pen to paper (ahem, fingertips to touchscreen).

Sustained inspiration on one topic is my latest challenge. Flashes and bursts of inspiration are great fun. Displined inspiration is another story, not just a different game but a whole new playing field. 

Crater Lake, Oregon, summer 2014

Looking at a place called Wizzard Island, it's hard not to feel creative...now to capture the story I can feel pitter-pattering around on the outskirts of my mind. 

Creative Recreation

We are officially in the land of the long and luxurious afternoon sunshine.  The race to find an activity worthy of a summer Friday has begun.  Let your imagination wash up along the shores of the Long Island coastline and dance on the rock beaches of Rhode Island.  Summer is the time to crawl out of the skin of reality and celebrate the freedom with lobster rolls and ice-cold beer. Here are some wonderful summer recreation ideas, to inspire your inner child.

1) Summer Lake Adventure.  Having lived in the land-locked Rocky Mountain states for a transformative number of years, I appreciate the sentiment that not everyone can get to the beach.  Having visited the mountains of North Carolina, I appreciate the sentiment that not everyone wants to go.  The beach is the easy good time; the obvious blonde tossing back shots front and center at a crowded bar.  The lake is a profound pleasure; the brunette with great eyes, a wicked sense of humor and a longneck beer.  Find a lake and everyone has an activity-fishing, tubing, tanning, reading, swimming.
2) Picnic.  There is a reason people picnic in the summer.  It represents the ultimate freedom of expression. They is one trick people often overlook--create a theme for your culinary endeavor.  Every party, no matter how casual, can be improved by a theme.  Have everyone bring something they enjoy and make a gastronomic smorgasbord symphony.  Check out some ideas here. Bring lots of ice-packs and shade-inducing accessories.
3) Find your Summer Hobby.  Ideally, you should have a sport or game that you can look forward to every season.  It keeps the fat off your ass and makes you more interesting.  Some great ideas for summer are tennis, golf, bocce ball (doesn't get enough credit-check it out), horseshoes, croquet, volleyball, sailing or swimming.  Pick one that is accessible for your lifestyle and sounds interesting to you.  If you want to awaken your inner summer soul child, the best thing to do is go play.

Happy summer!